"Statistics show that only 3% of single women of
marriageable age in Nigeria are undisturbed by
their lack of a spouse! The other 97% would do
just about anything to become Mrs. Somebody''. As we read on, we are going to see some rather
unorthodox things Nigerian women will do in their
quest to bag a husband! Some are bizarre, some
are skanky and some are downright sad but if you
are willing to try anything and getting a husband is
the only activity left on your bucket list, you might want to try a few! (Men beware). In no particular order: 1)Snatching a friend or relation's man. All is fair in love and war! Rumor has it that women
have resorted to locking their phones, hiding their
men and coding their gist from so-called friends
because it's a jungle out there. 2)Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the order of the day. No man wants to
tame the shrew or teach the inexperienced or
make an honest woman out of a dishonest one so
once marriage is desired, women package
themselves in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use,
highly desirable packages. After marriage, what you see is what you get! 3)Trapping with pregnancy. This used to be the old school method of getting a
man to propose. From skipping the pill to seducing
the man or getting him drunk when she was
ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the man
where she wanted him once she missed her period
even if there was no commitment. Now the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and YES to child
support. Are the girls deterred? NO! The girls have
stepped up their game by involving the parents
and you know parents don't like scandals 4)Praying & Fasting. This would presumably be an honorable means of
obtaining a husband but sometimes the prayers
are offered up to deities other than God & other
times it becomes a song permanently.
Taking his photograph to Cele church for a
prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa. Heard it works like charm.
Taking his spérm, hair or personal effects to
Babalawo. Guys, disposing of your condoms
yourself is not such a bad idea. 5)Outright Jazz! My friend recently gisted me about how a tied up,
live pigeon had been discovered in a friend's sister-
in-law's box. The woman confessed to using jazz
and said she hadn't been sure if the guy would
actually propose so she took the necessary
precautions. 6)Putting love potion in his food! This is classic and timeless but shouldn't it be called
a compelling potion? Because in this case, love na
by force! 7)Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen (Who wears the engagement
ring?) Toasting a man's family so they make the
decision for him! A friend complained that a girl he
detested had over the months gotten close to his
family. Lavishing on them, cooking for them and
basically being their go-to girl and now his mum had put her foot down that he had to break up
with his girlfriend and marry little-miss-went-
home-to-mama depending on how much power
the family wields, their word may be final. Asking daddy to get them a husband! If daddy's a big shot, arranging a husband for you
is usually as easy as pie and some men would sell
their souls for a large chunk of daddy's money so
both parties are happy. 9)Being the man's maga! Some women believe that when you finally get a
man to be interested in you, spoiling him and
overlooking his every fault would get you into a
white gown faster than an okada. Some men don't
mind a woman who houses them, clothes them,
feeds them, gives them pocket money, never gets upset with them even when they misbehave and
cleans up after them with little or no contribution from them living the dream 10)Giving him unlimited freedom. Tell me I am number one baby; tell me I am the
future mother of your kids and not Amina, Bisi or
Ngozi. Women used to want to be the one AND
ONLY in their man's life, now being the number one
is good enough. 11)Polishing up a low class, barely educated
brother in exchange for a ring! The deal is simple, you send your cleaner, gateman
or driver to night school, you give him language
lessons, you take him to buy some new clothes
and deodorant and teach him to call you honey
instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to
marry you, share an expensive bedroom and never worry about his bills ever again! 12)Revamping you. Change your wardrobe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload
of Brazilian hair, study the karma-sutra, do an
angioplasty and change the age on your birth-
certificate to read 22. Botox, plastic surgery, a
compulsory gym membership and a body magic
also indicated! 13)Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has it that men go to church to marry, the
same rumour also reveals that Greeters Ushers and
Lead Soloists have the best exposure. Praise the
Lord! 14)Moving to a new town or part of town This always peaks the men's interest and at the
same time you get to run away from your past and
the old maid labels! 15)Going for deliverance Going for deliverance from a spirit husband and
sowing a big marriage seed in church! Giving your
possessions to the poor, giving a sacrificial offering
or just giving one thing to God that would make
you weep. 16)Abandoning hopes, dreams and ambitions! I've heard people say that women looking for a
prince charming live unrealistic dreams, virgins are
old-school, overly educated women are proud, rich
women are not submissive, ambitious women are
conceited, women with demanding jobs won't
have time for their families, women who want a faithful man are deluded and women who don't
get pregnant before wedlock have something
wrong with their plumbing! So forsake the masters,
don't even dream of a PhD, quit your job, give
away all your money and surely a husband will
come. 17)Outright Desperation And if all the above fails, they marry a married man!
He could be your friend's husband, your sister's
husband, your cousin's husband, your colleague's
husband, even your mother's husband if possible. Can you blame these women? The average guy has
commitment phobia or is out to play till he is all
spent before he settles down or is waiting to make
his first 5 million before saying I do. Even a man
with no future ambition or class, much less finances
still knows he could have his pick of the best women out there, once he announces he is
looking to settle! ''The last census showed a female-dominated
demographic with more women per eligible
bachelor.
Family and society constantly put the woman in hot
water making her personal successes irrelevant till
she bags a man''... .:-D D—³—×—†—³—®———»'s CReeD
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: Paulonko